Hooded-chan's Serious Origins

Claire and Michael are in bed when she suddenly asks.....

Claire:Mikey, remember when we first met? *begins flashback*

At an Internet cafe, Claire is looking through porn when......

Michael:What are you looking at?
C:Jesus Christ! Um, uh, I was actually looking at..........You should probably go now.......So, uh, you're cute. Wanna go on a date? *ends flashback* Yeah, that was nice. Wanna know how I got this hood fetish?
M:Wasn't it because of that one episode of Heroes?
C:Well, that's part of it. But really, it all started when the CIA put a bag over my head and kidnapped me....I remember it like it was yesterday.....*begins flashback*

Claire is walking around when all of a sudden.....

C:*gets hooded* What the?
Kidnapper:Get in here!
C:Hey!

Dramatization of Claire's kidnapping

She is then dragged into the van as it drives away to take her to a detention facility.

C:Hey, what's going on? Is this some kind of prank? Because this isn't funny.
CIA:Shut up and don't speak a word. *cocks and points gun to her hooded head* Understand?
C:*meekly* Yes.

At the detention facility, she is brought to an interrogation room where she is tied to a chair.

Interrogator:Miss Lang?
C:Yeah?
I:Do you know anyone by the name of Achmed Mubarrak?
C:Who?
I:Don't act like you don't know! *lifts Claire's hood* See this man? That's him.
C:.....But all I did was give him directions.
I:Liar! You sent him to St. Worthington Middle School because you're in cahoots with him! Now tell us what group you and him are connected to.
C:No, I swear! All I did was give him directions to the school. I never knew he'd blow it up.
I:Liar! *punches Claire*  Now tell me the truth!
C:But I am telling you the truth!
I:If that's how you wanna play it, OK then. We're gonna keep you here until you confess! Have a nice stay. Take her away.
C:Wait, what? *gets taken away by guards* Hey! Where are you taking me? Let go! Please, let go!

Much to her horror (and shame), she has her clothes cut off to the point that she's naked. All the while she's being shouted at by someone she can't see. She is then given a boiler suit and long gloves to wear. She is then cuffed and given goggles and earmuffs on her hood. And given the name Prisoner 13. She is then treated like cattle as she is taken to a big room where she is forced to march around, do stress positions like outstretching her arms to the walls and outstretching her legs and standing on two boxes, kneel on the floor while sometimes having her arms in the air, and worst of all......., having to piss and crap herself.

Dramatization of Claire's torture

C:Can I go to the toilet?
Torturer:No, you can't. But you can pee over here.
C:This doesn't seem like a toilet.
T:Because it isn't.
C:.....But I can't pee here.
T:Either you hold it or you piss yourself. You aren't allowed access to the toilet.
C:But I can't hold it any longer. And I can't just piss myself! Can't I just take my pants off?
T:No can do. So if you gotta go, you gotta go.
C:But please! Please take me to the toilet!
T:I said no! Now unless you shut your trap, Imma beat you till you piss yourself! Is that clear?
C:OK, OK. I'm urinating. *pisses herself* Oh God, this is so gross.
T:Yeah. Now you're dirtying my floor. Now let's go back to your torture session, shall we? drags Claire by the arm* Oh, and btw, if you have to crap yourself, do it in your boiler suit.
C:*sobs* God help me.

Dramatization of Claire being forced to pee herself

Claire is then tortured for a few more hours before she is given a bath as per her doctor's request. Unfortunately, after her bath she is then taken to a room where she is beaten and is waterboarded. And after that session, she is taken to her cell.

Dramatization of Claire in her cell

T:Get some sleep, 13. You've got a long day ahead of you. Oh, and you can't ever take off the hood. Nor the goggles. Nor the headphones. If you do, well, let's just say you're lucky to live in a cell. Good night.

Claire then cries herself to sleep. Over the course of a few days, something unusual happened. Claire actually began to feel invigorated by her routine. Except for the parts about being beaten up and the waterboarding. That does sour her mood. She begins to like being hooded so much so that instead of peeing herself from time to time (though she still does from time to time), she actually masturbates over her torture.

C:*as she masturbates* (Oh yeah, baby, it feels so good. Hurt me more. Scream at me more. Never take my hood off)
T:Oh God, again? Geez, wha---Wait a sec, is that semen? Cuz it don't smell like piss to me.
C:Oh no, it's definitely piss. I've heard some types of urine smell like semen.
T:........OK. I don't want to know how you know that..........NOW GET OVER HERE!

Then, Claire asked a question.

C:Hey, what happens if I confess?
T:Easy, we send ya back home--
C:Please don't lie.
T:Clever girl, aren't ya? We're gonna send you to Guantanamo, where you'll have a 150 year sentence if you confess.
C:(So, I get to be hooded for 150 years? Sounds good to me. Now to wait until the chance to confess.)

After the waterboarding session....

C:*fake sobs convincingly* Alright! It's true. I knew that he was blow up the school! I just joined the terrorist group just to feel special! Fuck! Even after what I went through back there, I forgot the name! So please just let me go back home! And please don't send me to Guantanamo! PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!
T:Sorry, miss, But for the act of conspiring against your nation, you'll be detained at Guanatanamo for 150 years.
C:(Heh heh, suckers,) NO! PLEASE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! *as she's taken away by guards* NONONONONOONONONONONOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! *as she's loaded on the plane taking her to Guantanamo*

Dramatization of Claire being transported

Claire continues to fake cry over being sent to Guantanamo with the guards none the wiser that she's pulled wool over their eyes and continue to make fun of her. As they arrive at Guantanamo, Claire is given a cage instead of a cell to sleep in. And her torturer is even worse.

C:Oh man, I'm living the dream!
Omar:Oh, a woman. You're not gonna last long, trust me. So, what are you in here for?
C:Oh, I lied about being in a terrorist group.
O:.......That doesn't seem like someone who'd be in here.
C:Actually, they think I was in a terrorist group. I lied just to get here.
O:........You......lied.....so you can be in Guantanamo......AKA Prisoner Torture Central? Why? Is this like in that show Prison Break where--
C:Nah, it's nothing like Prison Break. Trust me, was a big Prison Break fan back when it aired. You see, I got hooded by the CIA, and over the time I was tortured, I was really enjoying it, so I thought that I could get used to AND enjoy the Guantanamo life.
O:........You're crazy. Enjoy it? The guards want to--
C:Yeah, yeah. I know. But still, a life wearing a hood all the time without ever taking it off. Sounds like Heaven to me.
O:But didn't they--
C:Yep, they gave me the works. Cut off my clothes, stripped me naked, insulted me, beat me and waterboarded me (these two though didn't make me happy), made me do stress positions, that weird marching thing, being forced to sit out in the sun, and yes, pissing myself and crapping myself. But really though, half the time I was pissing myself, the other half was--
O:That's enough. Go to sleep, you crazy woman. Americans, I swear.
C:Alright. Goodnight. Tomorrow's gonna be the best day ever.

And it doesn't disappoint Claire at all. She's even happier in Guantanamo than she was in the CIA's custody. And despite the friends she's made at Guantanamo, the other hooded prisoners have seen through her ruse.

C:*fake sobs convincingly* Please, just let me go. *as cage door closes* Please, God, save me. Save me from this pri--
Jameela:Oh, shush it, Claire! Everyone but the guards here know what you're really here for.
C:Be quiet, Jameela. You're ruining the act.
J:One of these days, you're gonna slip up.

The next day, during a lineup...........

J:*sigh* Claire, is that you in front of me?
Everyone:Yes.
J:Oh God.
C:Now be quiet and play along, you're ruining my fun.

Dramatization of Claire and Jameelah in their marching line

Later, during the marching session...

J:*sniffs* Oh, for the love of, Claire!
Guard:Shut up!
J:She pissed herself! And we're all gonna smell.
G:Sorry, bitch. But you'll have to take it. Your partner over here's not suited for this. Isn't that right, 13?
C:*fake sobs convincingly* Please, I don't wanna be here anymore.  We've been walking for over an hour. Please, let's stop.
G:No! Now move!
J:*growls*
C:(Heheh.)

The warden then gets a call from the CIA.

Warden:Hello?
CIA:Yeah, this is the CIA here. Um, remember Claire Lang?
W:The new detainee? Yeah, what about her? Is this about the Geneva Conventions?
CIA:About that, she was never involved in a terrorist organization. Trust me, we've checked her records and she has a solid alibi.
W:Wait, then why's she here? Is this some kind of Prison Break--
CIA:No, it's not like Prison Break. Listen, um, has she ever peed herself?
W:She does that everyday. My guards are getting annoyed so we told her to hold it in more. Why?
CIA:Yyyyyeah, you know how sometimes, her piss looks like it's just a small piss and it only covers one spot?
W:Yes?
CIA:That's not her piss.....
W:.....Huh? If that's the case, then...........Oh, dear lord.......
CIA:Yeah, release her immediately.

Later, the warden visits a sleeping Claire's cage.

W:Miss Lang?
C:*is shocked awake* What? I thought I was Prisoner 13.
W:Um, our sources have told us you were never involved in a terrorist group.
Every hooded prisoner in range:No shit!
C:Oh man! Looks like the cat's outta the bag.
O:What gave it away? The fact that she does the same act all the time?
J:The fact that she was sleeping peacefully in a cage on a cold floor for the past month?
Shakilah:Or is it that she always seems very eager to pee herself when the guards shout at her?
W:Alright, I get it. Now come out, Miss Lang.
C:But I don't wanna. It's fun here.
W:Sorry, Miss. But nice girls like you shouldn't be here. Now come on. Your family's been worried sick about you.
C:You actually sent them the letters? Wow. But before I go, thanks guys for keeping me company. It kinda gets boring when you don't have anyone to talk to.
Every hooded prisoner:You're welcome.
W:Now, Miss Lang, run along now.
C:Alright, alright.

Back at Claire's new house.

Ms. Lang:Oh, I was so worried! Thank God for your sick fetish!
C:Mom!
Mom Lang:But it's true though. I mean, really. Getting turned on because you can't see while some asshole throws insults at you! That's not sexy!
C:Well it's sexy to me.
CIA:Anyway, Miss Lang, here's your new house and 50M USD. We're sorry for the torture, the kidnappings--
C:Actually, I kinda liked it.
CIA:I was afraid you'd say that, which is why we built your very own private room where you can indulge in your, uh, thing.
C:Oh, I love you guys. *hugs CIA agent* Y'know, if you want, you can kidnap me and do all the--
CIA:No, no. That's OK. In fact, that's something I don't wanna hear. Anyway, bye and I hope you'll be happy for the rest of your life.

Claire:*ends flashback* And that's how I got this hood fetish.
Michael:......Claire, you're weird.
Claire:I know. And I love you.
Michael:Love you too.